A Needle In A Haystack
When I first started thinking about writing a blog, I thought to myself.. "Who in the hell do I think i am? No one is going to want to read what I have to say.. I'm no one important.."
But almost 400 views in less than 2 days has proven me wrong. And I want to thank you.
If I'm honest - I first started thinking about writing a blog years ago. I had no idea what I wanted to say. I'm not a Pinterest mom (although I LOVE me some Pinterest). And even though I co-owned a clothing boutique a few years ago, my fashion sense is questionable (if you know me, you know I'm plain Jane), I cook, but I'm not a fancy chef. I am a Blue Apron cook, a Hello Fresh cook, a "read the instructions on the back of the box" cook.. so what could I say that would bring readers?
And so.. I tabled the idea..
Earlier this year I was at a Beautycounter summit meeting in Phoenix where we spent days talking about being fearless, about taking chances, about putting ourselves out there, and while I still hadn't fully crossed over to the "colorful" side, I knew Lane was different. I needed to stop living in the "what if" and start living in the "rip off the bandaid and see what happens".
And you know what? I should have been more scared of ripping the bandaid off than I was. I should have had more humility. I should have thought about and respected my family and those around me more than I did. But once I saw the wheels start to turn, I knew I not only couldn't, but didn't want to stop it.
See, I'm a bit of a sap. I believe in fate. I believe everything in this life happens for a reason. That said, I believe I was given this life, these children, this lifelong experience to do more than just live along side of it. I believe I was gifted this transgender daughter to help shift the stigma in some small way. To help engage in the tough conversations. To answer the "scary" questions that those around me have.
But if i'm going to do this, I have to do ALL of this. I've NEVER been prejudice, racist, homophobic, or anything of the sort - but what I will own up to is my ignorance. I was uncomfortable interacting at times that didn't look like me (on the inside or the outside) even though I was non judgmental..
Let that sink in for a minute..
I was ignorant and I was scared. What if I said the wrong thing? What if I said something that offended the person I was talking to? I was like a babbling moron whenever I got around someone I wasn't totally sure of.
Gay, straight, colored, trans, disabled - we all want one (technically two) universal thing(s). To be loved, and to be accepted.
Grace is the most normal, happy, HYSTERICAL, full of life child you've ever met. Girlfriend wants nothing more than for you to treat her just like you would any other child you come in contact with. But she's different. and different can be scary. I get that. And while Lily has been a part of the journey along side her dad and I this whole time, she still doesn't totally know how to be, or how to act - but she loves, and she accepts. And so the rest, we will figure out. However, it will take more time for Lily to feel like this is her new normal..
She misses her little brother. We all do. And I will always be here for her to reminisce, to revisit memories and to cry when we're sad. And then, I'll remind her, just as I do myself, that that was the past, and Grace is the future.
Therapy is a beautiful thing.
So what does all of this mean? What am I trying to say at the end of all of this?
"Don't let what you cannot do, interfere with what you can do."
I can't change the world. I can't change the opinions of those that don't agree with how I'm raising my children. But this outlet for me is how I hope to make an impact. To help the naysayers see that different is beautiful.. and everyone is deserving of love and acceptance - even if it takes us time to push through our own ways of thinking.
Love one another. And if you can't just yet, if you still think different is weird or awkward, at least be kind. We're all doing the best we can.