You Need To Calm Down

In this house, we have dance parties. They typically take place after dinner, and before bath time. If daddy has his way, we listen to country and rock If mommy has her way, its usually hip hop (#thugforlyfe), and if the girls have their way, it's currently Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift or Katy Perry. 

We listen to music LOUD. We are those obnoxious people in cars with the windows rolled down, music up - and then there's us, inside, singing at the top of our lungs, "seat" dancing. 

I was raised on classic rock. ZZ Top, The Cars, Led Zepplin, The Eagles, just to name a few. But when I was a kid, my mom and I used to take road trips from Southern California to Northern California to visit my dad. I remember during the music line up listening to cassette tapes of Wilson Phillips and Tracy Chapman to the point the tape wore out. Those road trips were some of the greatest memories I have of my childhood. And it’s where my own personal love for 'car singing' began.

If you know me personally, you know I'm pretty "loud" in general. I speak my mind, I'm vocal about things I'm passionate about, and I won't stand by and be quiet if someone is disrespectful to myself or someone I care about. I'm not great at confrontation when it comes to me, personally.. but when it comes to my family - watch out.

Hence, why I think I've been so vocal throughout this experience thus far. 

Up until recently, I'll be honest - I've been surprised by the overwhelming support and positive feedback I've received since Grace's transition. Most people around me have understandably had questions, but I've had VERY little backlash or negativity surrounding her transition. I made it clear through social media, and to those around us that if you don't support our family, that you are welcome to make a quiet exit from our lives, but to PLEASE educate yourself and rethink your "why".

I'm not saying it's easy to understand. It's not. As I have said before, I've never been judgmental to the LGBTQ+ community, but I didn't fully understand it as I do now. 

Recently, I was made aware of a post that was put up by a mutual friend on Facebook. This person and I are not Facebook friends, but her daughter and Lily are friends and in the same grade at the same school. (The one Grace will start this fall as a Kindergartener).

She is very vocal about her beliefs, both politically and socially - however, we have never had an issue when at school functions or even the few times we've run into each other in public. I have a number of friends (close friends included) that have different political views than myself - and we are still able to respect one another and maintain relationships on PLENTY of other topics.

When I became public with Grace's transition on social media I had a few people reach out that gave me a tremendous amount of hope. People that had been raised in incredibly conservative homes, religious homes, that were moved by our story. They were open to discussion. They wanted so badly just to understand - because it wasn't how they were raised or what they were taught to believe their ENTIRE lives. To say it was humbling is putting it lightly.

As the first amendment states, Americans have the right to free speech, yet, how you exercise that right can be tricky, especially in this day and age. I mean, look at me. I'm expressing it in a way that is extremely vulnerable. Hell, I'm exposing my family. 

There is an app that I use that is meant to be utilized as a way for neighbors in communities to communicate about things going on around them. To alert other neighbors when there is a power outage, or in some cases, a robbery has taken place.. people also look for referrals - plumbers, gardeners, babysitters, etc.

This parent mentioned above, used it as an open forum to express her disagreement/disgust with a recent law that was passed in California that allows public schools to include gender education in the classroom.

<Deep breath>

Just one of the many posts said.. "Yes I agree by three and four they know their own gender, but I do not agree there are many genders - male and female, that's it!"

The number of texts and screen shots I received was impressive. 

"Omg did you see this?"

"Holy shit, what are you going to do if XX and Lily end up in the same class together this fall?"

"Are you going to say anything?"

I called my husband and said "I need you to talk me down. My heart is racing, and I KNOW no good comes from reacting when you're triggered."

My husband can be a quiet man. He almost always has great advice and can talk me off a ledge, and has, many times.

"We aren't going to do anything." he said.

As much as that wasn't what I wanted to hear, he's right.. (and if you know my husband - please don't tell him i said he was right. I'll NEVER hear the end of it, hahaha)

The truth is, she is not the first, nor will she be the last one that feels this way. And as much as it pains me, I can't change her opinion. My only hope is that she teaches her children respect and allows them to formulate their own decisions and beliefs.. because my child won't be the last, and definitely isn't the first to be an openly transgender child in elementary school.

I'm working on gathering more information, statistics and science that proves this isn't just a "choice", and I hope to share them with you in a future post. 

My five year old isn't confused. My five year old hasn't been socially influenced to become who she is. She isn't doing this to be "cool". This is just who she is. and she will tell you.. "I am girl. I have a boy body with a girl brain."

And at the end of the day, she's a kid - just like the rest of them.

So.. in one way or another, we all need to calm down. 

We need to take a breath. We need to read a little more. Listen a little more. Discuss a little more. Research a little more.

But most of all, we need to love a whole lot more.

Photo courtesy of @TaylorSwift